For Me

Today I am writing with my audience of one, myself. Yep, I’m writing for me. I have come a ways on my journey since writing some time ago. I have a bit more refined vision of my future (a vision of freedom and celebration of personal worth), and I have since January this year started my college education and returned to school. I am doing all my classes online, since this is the only realistic way for me to earn a degree with my current circumstances. Those circumstances being I have my 6 year old son in first grade and an awesome little girl due mid-summer! Yes my life is changing, and practically everywhere for the better.

So here I find myself, still burdened by the need I keep ignoring: to write. I still have my blog. I still have a bookshelf stocked to the max with literature on writing. I still love to write. I just haven’t been doing it. Which is one of the reasons I feel so disturbed. I have got back to the practice of doing my “morning pages” most days and am taking a class right now that has me assessing my goals and better articulating my vision for the near and distant future. This is what brings me to a difficult place to write. I don’t exactly know what to shoot for in the next year to 5 years. Sure, I can see myself 20 years down the road, doing amazing things. But I have no idea how to get from here to there.

I’ll summarize some obvious pictures that come to my mind:

  • Working with a team or campaign to stop human trafficking, primarily by spreading awareness and communicating the worth of individuals and the reality of the crisis.
  • Working creatively in my own personal space with my journals, drawing, and mixed media.
  • Using writing and my blog as an outlet to encourage others and share what I find beautiful in life.
  • Reach out and connect in more meaningful ways with the people all around me. (Stop being so afraid!)
  • Work from home somehow to be here with my kids.
  • Serve in different capacities at my church, grow in leadership.
  • Keep reassessing my goals and vision to move forward and adjust as I need to.

Sooooo, that’s about it so far. I can’t tell you how many books I’ve read on discovering your life’s work, podcasts I’ve listened to from personal testimonies, and personality and strengths tests I’ve taken over the years. I know I’ll have to keep writing, exploring, and investigating my opportunities, but I think what I really need to do now is act. Work. Write. Even if it seems meaningless or fruitless right now. I just need to keep doing. I have faith I’ll find my way. I’ve already experienced this so much in my life. But now more than ever, I need to discipline myself to create and practice privately and openly so I can be ready when my next “why” hits me in the head. To sum it up, I need to be ready to receive what I am made to do.